Tuesday, October 21, 2008


Consult your #100 list SPT challenge. My #21 is "I've had a miscarriage."

Well, like all miscarriages, this is not a happy story. But like all life experiences, it has been part of my growing process. I believe each experience we have is for a reason and each experience has shaped me into the person I am today.

After our first year anniversary Matthew and I decided it was time to start our own family. We tried to get pregnant with no luck. We turned to our family doctor who diagnosed me with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). This basically means that I don't always ovulate. Well, we all know that if you don't ovulate, you can't get pregnant. Anyway, I started fertility medication after about a year of trying on our own. I took it for three months and right before Christmas I went in to the doctors for a blood test. The very next day Matthew was going to be tested to see if he was having issues too. So, went to the doctor's together and the doctor starts explaining what we have to do to get Matthew tested. Matthew wasn't too excited about the whole thing, but we needed to figure out why I wasn't getting pregnant. Before the doctor sent us home with a "cup" he said, "let's see if Dacia's pregnancy blood test came back positive." Much to our surprise, it was positive. Matthew was so relieved!! :) I think it was Dec. 22 or 23 and I remember a few days before that feeling nauseated because I was baking with peppermint extract. I remember that I felt like throwing up and I had to lay down. Anyway, about a week before this doctor's appointment I had been taking Dayquil for a few days because I had gotten sick.
We came home from that Doctor's appointment so excited. We were leaving for our Christmas vacation the very next day. We called both our families and shared the good news. I even had my brother paged in the airport so I could tell him. Unfortunately the very next day before leaving town I started spotting. I called the doctor who was very sympathetic and told me that if it was a miscarriage that there was nothing I could do to stop it and that I should still go to see our families. I remember Matthew and I crying together because we were so worried about it. Anyway, we went on to California to spend time with our families and it's sad to say, but I had a miscarriage on Christmas Eve. It was the saddest Christmas Eve I've ever had. What was even worse was that not all our family knew so I had to pretend like everything was alright when it wasn't. I know I was only like 2 weeks pregnant, but after trying for an entire year, it was heart breaking. I had the sweetest doctor who took time away from his family on Christmas to let me cry over the phone.

I know now that it just wasn't to be and things work out for the best. We've had our difficulties with fertility, but I'm so fortunate to have three beautiful children and I love them to pieces. I wouldn't trade a one of them (okay, on my good days I wouldn't :) ) I know God has a plan for me and that I won't have any trials that I can't handle, so what ever doesn't break me makes me stronger! I'm so glad that I have such a loving and supportive husband who helped me through that difficult time. He's the best!
Sorry I do have pics of me that Christmas with my family, but they are all pre-digital and my scanner is broken.

15 comments:

lelly said...

you've shared this story in such a sweet way - i can feel the anxiety of you as a young couple finding your way through that Christmas.

Courtney said...

So sorry...we had the same thing happen with our first pregnancy...miscarriage stinks...especially when you work so hard to get pregnant! It is amazing how our trials shape us into stronger, better people! So glad you have been blessed with 3 BEAUTIFUL children!

Aranne and Dan said...

I feel like I am reliving my story all over again. except mine is going to end with an adoption (one day).... I am happy for your three beautiful children and hope I can one day feel the joy in being a mom just like you!

Sarah said...

Miscarriages are so tough emotionally. I have had one in between my first two and it was heartbreaking. However, I got pregnant with my son a couple of months later and I know without a doubt he was supposed to be in our family.

Amber Grannis said...

That was so brave of you to share that story so honestly and sweetly with the rest of us. I've never had a miscarriage (that I'm aware of) but Warren and I have dealt with our own problems off and on achieving pregnancy. I'm so happy that you have your three little sweethears now!

The Collins Five said...

I can feel your heartache. You never know what God's plan is, but he definitely has a plan. You are now blessed with three beautiful children. Like you I can feel the your pain of dealing with fertility issues. I remember crying every month the pregnancy test came out negative.

Rachael said...

I feel your pain! Infertility is no fun. We have been trying for #3 for almost 3 years and it is so emotionally draining! It took a month or two with our first and 3 years with our second! Its just all frustrating!!!!!

Janiece said...

What a neat way to share something so hard for others to understand.
When I had my first miscarriage, I thought it had only happen to me.
I enjoyed your thoughts on such a personal issue in a women's life.

Lucy said...

I've never had a miscarriage but can relate to the difficulty in getting pregnant. I know that after all that hope, waiting and excitement, it must have been an enormous loss, even at that early stage.

Your children are beautiful.

Chris said...

I am sorry. i feel that sorrow, i have lost three pregnancies. One on Christmas eve as well. It is hard to have to carry on during such a difficult time.

The monkey bunch said...

That was definitely a personal story. Wow for you for sharing it, especially since in this kind of setting it may really help someone who is in a similar situation.

Kipn n' Sarah said...

I never knew that you went through that. It is my worst fear that that is going to happen with Kip and I. There are so many people in my ward struggling with infertility and I guess I never realized that it was somewhat common. It breaks my heart to see them going through it. This is a touching post and I am sure your struggle makes you appreciate those little ones so much more each day!

The Perry Family said...

You're a great woman and I'm glad you made it through so that I could have my little nephew and nieces, after you had me of course:)

Jeanette said...

I'm glad that you got through that time and went on to have your three wonderful children!

Mashaide said...

I totally understand sis. I've had a total of eight miscarriages and three of them life threatening. You'd think that would stop me from trying to get pregnant. Fertility is so expensive. I tried that for a while and should have just done invitro with how much it cost me.

I do have to say though, I'm one of the luckiest aunties in the world to have so many wonderful nieces and nephews. I just wish I could be around them more.

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